Playgroup Retards**

**Yes i said Retards, hope that wasnt as offensive as Obamas big Leno Blunder but thats what we are. It's ok to be retarded...I love myself and my children and I just said we're retarded so I cant be disability racist or anything. Right?? If you have a problem just give the President of the Special Olympics a call and I'll be sure to retract and issue an apology.**

Our little preschool playgroup here in Three Rivers is so cute. These ladies do it Friday mornings and anyone is invited at no cost. Today the kids got their faces painted and made sand art. So fun. Then they run around and play. And then ...it all goes downhill.

My brood of unschooled :) children makes up half the roster of the playground. I haven't met anyone in this town with more than 4 children so of course I'm responsible ,like Michelle Duggar ,for the overpopulation of the planet. Dang Tree Lickers...

As sand art winds up I know my place socially. I'm new, don't know any of the other moms. Sit on the step near the bench, strike up conversation with another nice mom. This may be the day. The day I walk away NOT feeling like a retard. We'll see.

Jordyn walks over. Sand, like a nice big shovel full of sand, caked in her eyes. What to do? Rinse with water. Mom didnt bring water. Boo. Stealing wipes off the craft table is pretty acceptable in this case. I hope.

Then I turn to enjoy mom conversation. Oh crap. They're talking about problem sleepers. Forty Five Minutes of problem sleepers, bedtime routines, and no ME time. Sorry ladies I got NOTHING. I throw my kids in bed:no prayers, no tucking in, no kisses. Get out of bed you die and then I watch DVRed General Hospital. Well that last couple parts might have been made up but I seriously hate this subject because I have ABSOLUTELY nothing to say. And I get plenty of Me time. As my dad said, I'm brutal or ruthless, one of the two, because I just put my kids to bed. Boo Hoo for 5 minutes girl and boys but you're goin to bed. It's been like this for over 9 years. Tomorrow I'm gonna make a big production out of it and let one of them sleep with me for a night so I have something to say. So...What do I do? As I'm going to die of heat exhaustion because I'm the only person not sleevless (and with no water might I add)?? If I was a man I would have left or shot myself. Just smile and stare is the best I've got.

Here are the results:

Yup.Hot. This is what the ladies saw. Take a pic sometime when you think you're making an acceptable face. You're probably not.

So after Jake acts like a super dork and is rude to his brother (after we read the article in the Friend this morning about bullying) , and ignored me, and then starts whining like a 2 year old that he's in trouble and wont get out of the tunnel, I turn around and Jordy has picked up my quart of green smoothie and tried to drink it via her shirt as the other moms just stare.(please refer to 1st picture of me)
Time to leave. Like a bunch of retards. Have a nice Day.